Discover yourself, is to take time to look at this inner child who suffered, to take time to console him, to reassure him, with the words which he would have liked hearing when he was hurt… If you heal this child, you can change the wounds of the adult.
To give you an idea, I am going to tell you my experience on the subject:
When I was young, I was part of the children’s group who had a mom skinflint-cuddle.
These children for whom the mom gives a cuddle and love only when the child is sick, I had to suffer agonies to have a suspicion of attention, to have the right to eat what I want (because had I to remain thin = weighty problem in the adulthood), and that I have the right to watch TV (and thus to take time to make nothing of constructive) it echoed on my adult’s life, as you can suspect it: I had understood that when I was sick we took care of me, and when I had the right not to be perfect ! The disease was THE solution!
I Needed years, before I understand where come from the suffering, it seems obvious when it’s said like this, but to make a work on ourself to understand what hurt us… I also needed years before finding how to take out me of it… until this day, when I “just” took this child in my arms, I auto-caressed (I put my arms around me, I closed eyes and I felt all this love which I could have for myself, for this young I ), auto-reassured and told myself all that I shall have liked that my mother tells me… the relief is immediate, we had never spoken to me so friendly, and then moreover, seen that it came from me, I could make it wherever, at anytime, every time I shall feel the need!
All the diseases did not stop in a row, sometimes, it is necessary a few months even weeks before the child understands that he does not any more need to show that he is bad to have love…
But now everything is ended. Certainly other experiences come to me, but that of the child in lack of maternal love is settled.
Try! set you in arms, bring you this love for which you always waited from the outside… Internal love is stronger, it is only by enjoying it that we can understand what is real love, love ourself and our own poverty, our own suffering.
We pass then from those who look in the others, to those who find in themselves.