” What hurt you so much that you feel the need to hurt me to be cured of it? “
Did you Notice, that often we blame the others for it what hurt inside us?
A long time ago, a friend, who arrived always late, and to whom I made constantly the remark because I hated people in late, said to me ” I would stop arriving late, when you will stop getting angry for it “…
I realized this day , I made undergo to the others, my internal nervousness, my annoyance, MY suffering!
Then I took a stand, already for late people, I stopped getting anxious every time a person did not arrive on time and I noticed that when I conditioned myself before the appointment, by telling me ” you don’t care even if he arrives late, it doesn’t matter, life continues, nobody will die because of it and it is not because he or she arrives late, because this person lacks respect to you “, because clearly, this is the way I saw it, late without calling=lack of respect !
But in time, and especially by living in Cambodia, I understood that it wasnt lack of respect, people arrive late either because they do not know how to manage their time, or because they are not absolutely disturbed by late people and consequently, that do not disturb them to make it to the others, or because they are making something which must be ended before coming (what means also ” do not know how to manage their time”… but i’m sure they never think ” I am going to be late because I do not respect her ” never!
It is just that what is important for you, is not for the other one.
And for the rest of my sufferings, I pay attention now, because with time and the experience, I noticed that we always blame the other (disguised or not!) for a suffering in us!
Very often, when we do not find the words to talk about our troubles inside, we feel the need to make to other what takes place in us, to help him to understand, but there is others paths than the suffering to express what we feel, and not to forget that it is our mental which wants to make suffer the other one ” You do not understand what I tell you, well, I am going to show you! “…
But have you ever try the path of the expression of suffering in you? It is to open the heart, that frightens, sure, we show our weaknesses, we take the “risk” that the other one “crushes” us even more… but when the heart opens, even if we face an ego…the heart opposite cannot stay stone-faced, and the ego can be only touched by this exposure…
Example: (let us keep the idea of the person which arrives late) instead of saying ” yes you make me pissed off because you’re not calling, you are late… what? You stay with your friends to have a drink? No but it is the end of the world! “
Well, we can try to express what suffers ” the fact that you stay to have a drink with your friends, while I had make a dinner for both of us, makes me sad, because I am alone at the home, and in more (the hardest to be said and to be found!) I wanted to be with you. (Because yes! The aggression comes from a lack of love!)… “
If you do not find what suffers in you, and what you are not too chaste, do not hesitate to put it as a comment, I shall answer it if the question is understandable !
The expression of suffering is a path of the heart, difficult for the mental which thinks of being put in the middle of a “nomans land”, without cover, the slightest “bullet” can come to touch very deeply, but do not forget, that the heart even if its a path with risks, stays the only one who leads to the task!